Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Sales Pitch

The orders have come in. My job is clear. I've been told in no uncertain terms, mostly from the tears (tiny lie) and depressed countenances (a slight embellishment) of my coworkers to promote this game somehow. THIS GAME.

Yes. Oh, tale of a nearly nude hero that rushes about in his unmentionables, how can I convince the masses of your pixilated-worthiness? That your lovingly parodied adventures to remain clothed will be worth a purchase? Earlier thoughts on this matter were to somehow affix $$$ to each box, but the DL version sort of made this endeavor...difficult.

I also toyed with the idea of some kind of sexy DLC incentive, but to keep this baby out of the hands of the children would be a disservice to mankind. (Sorry, ladies. That content is all for the next installment: One-Minute Man.)

You might find that strange (the wanting to attach monies), and while I do want the game to sell, I'm more desperate for people to play enough that they get to read the description of the "Ultimate Evil Lord." I had to sneak that treasure in!

But anyway...

Back to the pitch. So ladies and gentlemen, if you are on the fence about getting Half-Minute Hero allow me to entice you with some of its charms and secrets...

1) It's longer than 30 seconds. (I promise)

2) It has rocking music.

3) It has a bat-umbrella.

4) It has dignified and lovingly detailed item descriptions such as-

Lumberjack Axe: An axe for chopping wood. It might make you
want to wear heels, suspenders and a bra.

5) It has memorable characters like-

Ultimate Lord Holovos: The last evil lord Noire went to. He can emit a giant laser beam. If only he had sharks.

6) It has great locations-

Ultimate Evil Lord Castle: Built where the Time Goddess and Ultimate Evil Lord first fought. 5 bed, 2 bath, sacrificial altar.

7) There are enough references to movies, the Tick, Zero Wing, Hulk, etc, and abusing of ducks in this title to make a worthy drinking game.

8) You learn good time management from it.

9) No gamer should consider their collection complete without having at least one suggestively titled game! It's a conversation starter, it's a trophy. It's a game title that lets you know that you will be quickly...satisfied by the contents. (see? It's too easy.)

10) If you've made it all the way to 10 you should just buy it. :)

Disclaimer: 1) All item descriptions, character descriptions and place descriptions are 100% true and in the game! 2) All tears and/or weeping in the office are probably all visual products of my own imagination.
For your reference in case my sales pitch wasn't enough:

Metacritic for Half-Minute Hero: Comprehensive list of reviews for the game thus far.

GiantBomb's Quick look preview of HMH

Game Trailer's Video Review for HMH