Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Sales Pitch

The orders have come in. My job is clear. I've been told in no uncertain terms, mostly from the tears (tiny lie) and depressed countenances (a slight embellishment) of my coworkers to promote this game somehow. THIS GAME.

Yes. Oh, tale of a nearly nude hero that rushes about in his unmentionables, how can I convince the masses of your pixilated-worthiness? That your lovingly parodied adventures to remain clothed will be worth a purchase? Earlier thoughts on this matter were to somehow affix $$$ to each box, but the DL version sort of made this endeavor...difficult.

I also toyed with the idea of some kind of sexy DLC incentive, but to keep this baby out of the hands of the children would be a disservice to mankind. (Sorry, ladies. That content is all for the next installment: One-Minute Man.)

You might find that strange (the wanting to attach monies), and while I do want the game to sell, I'm more desperate for people to play enough that they get to read the description of the "Ultimate Evil Lord." I had to sneak that treasure in!

But anyway...

Back to the pitch. So ladies and gentlemen, if you are on the fence about getting Half-Minute Hero allow me to entice you with some of its charms and secrets...

1) It's longer than 30 seconds. (I promise)

2) It has rocking music.

3) It has a bat-umbrella.

4) It has dignified and lovingly detailed item descriptions such as-

Lumberjack Axe: An axe for chopping wood. It might make you
want to wear heels, suspenders and a bra.

5) It has memorable characters like-

Ultimate Lord Holovos: The last evil lord Noire went to. He can emit a giant laser beam. If only he had sharks.

6) It has great locations-

Ultimate Evil Lord Castle: Built where the Time Goddess and Ultimate Evil Lord first fought. 5 bed, 2 bath, sacrificial altar.

7) There are enough references to movies, the Tick, Zero Wing, Hulk, etc, and abusing of ducks in this title to make a worthy drinking game.

8) You learn good time management from it.

9) No gamer should consider their collection complete without having at least one suggestively titled game! It's a conversation starter, it's a trophy. It's a game title that lets you know that you will be quickly...satisfied by the contents. (see? It's too easy.)

10) If you've made it all the way to 10 you should just buy it. :)

Disclaimer: 1) All item descriptions, character descriptions and place descriptions are 100% true and in the game! 2) All tears and/or weeping in the office are probably all visual products of my own imagination.
For your reference in case my sales pitch wasn't enough:

Metacritic for Half-Minute Hero: Comprehensive list of reviews for the game thus far.

GiantBomb's Quick look preview of HMH

Game Trailer's Video Review for HMH


  1. Half Minute Hero is so much fun, I got it on release day and it hasn't left my PSP since. It's just so original, unique, and absolutely hilarious, plus as mentioned above it has an AMAZING soundtrack. I'm really sad to hear this might not be selling well as you guys did an excellent localization job as always, seems kinda similar to what happened to Retro Game Challenge.

    I don't know what's wrong with some gamers nowadays. Something that's truly different, nicely polished, well written and thought out gets brought over for a system that hasn't had that many great games lately, and it can't sell. All I saw in the comment sections on other sites preceding the release were things like "grphx sux" and "Wait so the games only like 30 seconds long?".

    As with Retro Game Challenge, I think a lot of people who saw the good previews just stupidly didn't take the time to try and understand the games overall concept, and just wrote it off despite all the good reception by game sites as well as the demos you guys put out.

    I personally eat up almost every single game XSEED brings over, but I can only imagine how disheartening it must be to see some of these great titles not succeed to the masses after putting so much work into them. Super excited though for Lunar, and hopefully that one does well with it's pretty sizeable fan base here in the states. I'd LOVE to see GameArts give Eternal Blue the same makeover.


  2. To be honest, I would buy this game, however, some factors...

    1) I have no income of my own.
    2) I have no PSP of my own (and the one I use was recently stolen, so, uh...crap).
    3) It wasn't attached to time-sensitive incentives.

    I'm ashamed of that last one, but 'tis true: I am a whore for swag, and prioritize swag-laden titles before others. Hell, right now your Lunar remake is a priority, simply because I want the junk that comes with a game that I won't be getting around to playing for an embarrassingly long time ( happens a lot...).

    Now, if you guys wouldn't mind hiring me, I wouldn't mind recycling my paycheck, eh?

  3. I want this game so bad. It sounds like the perfect game to play on the bus but
    1. I'm a broke student
    2. I already preordered Fragile
    That game just looked too amazing I had to scrape together the moneys to get it.

    Someday I'll have a job and money and Half-Minute Hero! until then, keep being awesome XSeed. And continue long after that.

  4. My favorite original PSP game, certainly. Buy it!

  5. I wasn't planning on getting Half-Minute Hero, but how can I resist after hearing a sales pitch like that? You got yourself a sale, buddy.